blah

Ok ladies. Im back to 158 thank god. If i had gained anymore i would have flipped. The guy I was dating were done, So it sucks more motivation for me too look better though. im frustrated upset and dissapointed in myself for dating this guy again, 3lbs 5 days lets go.
<3

ughhh sorry body

so im back up.. 160lbs. fuck. this is what you get for trying to eat normal and workkout it doesnt work, for fucks sake. back to restriction 300 calories a day. Christmas is so close and i still have 5 lbs to lose. I need someone doing a goal with me.
130 by january 15th goodness.. tight time lines. but starting today no mroe slipping up.

Email me @ jennifer-.farrow@hotmail.com
<3 stay thin.

constant thoughts.

So i fucked myself over for today, I already used up 200 calories. if i want to lose this weight i need to be at only 300 calories a day. And exercise those calories off.
So i looked up what my bmi will be if i do get down to my goal of 130 on january 15th
my bmi will be 18.1
underweight, but is it underweight? will i be happy with being underweight. Never have I even had my weight that low, Dont even remember ever weighing that much since i was 14 on.
Scary to think, exciting to dream about.
Last night i was so restless. I couldnt stop thinking about what if i cant do it.
so i got up and started doing situps.
Lets pray I got this.
xo.
think thin lovelies.

think thin!

i feel like everyones given up on me. I feel like im going to be stuck as the fat friend and the fat girlfriend for the rest of my fucking life. I hate my body. yet people keep commenting on my being skinny and how much my bodies changed and how ive clearly lost weight. yeah but is it enough? This friend of mine has given me a goal of 130 lbs by january 15th.. being 158 now, 28 pounds i have to lose. I cant let this friend of mine down.. the lowest ive been ever is 140
I need tips like legit tips, ive seen all the proana tips
I need real girl tips.
please please please.
im down to 300 cals a day.
workout is obviously going to be upped.
xo
think thin think thin think thin/

ughh

So not impresssed with myself, i didnt lose any weight today I guess thats what you get for trying to eat a normal meal with your family. Like i said before for me restriction is key, little amounts of calorie, medium to high amounts of exercise is the ONLY way anyone can lose weight, otherwise your going to be fat. like I am. Fuuckkk. i thought I wouldnt have to fast again, but guess whattt, im fasting no eating friday-sunday. I need to lose another three pounds before christmas. 9 days,
How is everyone else doing on their weight loss?
Let me know
Think thin.
xo

goals

So ive decided I need more goals then just my weight, Weights easy to get off, restrict, purge. no binging. constant. Now to get what I want..
I want
my hips and ribs to constantly show im almost there. I think at 150 it will be showing no matter what
I dont want that little belly fat that you get when you sit
I want my spine to start showing more, its there alrdy and people are commenting on it but i want it like out out .
And i want more of a thigh gap Im SOO fucking close to the i have about one finger gap so far. which isnt bad but i want more
 i also want more bony knees, mine are getting there just from restricting which makes me happy but it can always get better.


What are your goals?! :)

lovelovelove

So the idea of me being able to control my weight loss, and not completely slip back into a ED is gone.  Completely gone. Im full back into it, thinking about every inch of fat on my body, what type of exercises i can do to make sure im loosing that inch of fat. Going to the mirror and looking at myself naked thinking my god... you look horrible, seeing all my bones and looking every time i eat which eating is a rare occurence. Its a few nibbles here and there to keep me from fainting, which Honestly im welcoming my ED in with open arms. Counting every calorie, knowing how much i have to work off to burn the little calories i have eaten, making sure that if i eat, im purging it up. The feeling of thin, the feeling of restriction and the feeling of bones.. what could be better?!?!
I love loosing.
CW:158
BMI: 22

YESSS

I guess that little extra restriction an the workout I did today paid off! Im down to 160! wooooot !!! Very happy to say the least. Unfortunately I still have five more pounds to go, but im almost there I also still have  11 days left. Hows everyone else doing? good i hope! Stay thin xoxoxox.
Oh btw, might post a progress picture later. debating wether I should do it now or when i down to 155? Maybe that will give me more of a reason, knowing that all you skinny girls are gunna see me again. ahah.
xo

< 3

I dont know about anyone else but I love restriction. Last night I grabbed one of those snack packs of cookies. and just had it sit in front of me in my bed, calling my name telling me to just divulge in its yummines.. But then I remembered im already fat, eating shit like that isnt going to make me thinner. i sat there staring at it my stomach applauding me on refusing to eat it, Rather then eating it I laid down on the floor flat, feeling my ribs and hips, and thought to myself your still fat jen, feel your sides, look at your legs, you jiggly arms, lets go. So started doing 150 situps, everytime I took a break I added on another 50 needless to say I ended up doing 500 situps, and puking afterwards from pushing myself so hard, I went to bed content cookies beside my bed telling me to just binge.. just a little but my body telling me how perfect I will be.

..

So I finally got a chance to weigh myself.. only two pounds down that means I still have eight fucking more pounds to lose before Christmas. God damn. What is wrong with me? why wont my body shed these dirty little pounds. I already decided that if I do eat anything which will be minnimal I will purge. Yeah i know it horrible blah blah blah. Im fat as fuck. No need for anymore calories.

Anyways
CW: 163
BMI : 22.7

Taking the dogs for a walk, burn some extra calories.
Need some motivation:(

on a kind of plus side, my uncle who ALWAYS comments on how fat I am told me im looking skinnier and skinnier everytime he sees me

So now that I did so well on my fast im worried.. What if the number isnt what i want, will it ever be what i want? or will I always want to lose more. Will my UGW be enough when i get there or will i continuly need more, I know i could keep going that nauseous feeling you get when your so hungry that all you can hear is your stomach all you can think about is food, and as long as you dont eat you'll feel bones. to me that is heaven that feeling is great to me. I LOVE that feeling. If i could have that everyday of every month of every year and be as little as possible it would be a dream come true.

:)

Hey guys! so havent had a chance to weigh myself yet, moms been home all day and i know if i pull out the scale she'll start questioning. I always wondered why that was her first sign that my eating disorder had come back. oh welllll :), anyways! Kept myself clean and healthy all wknd. Did my goal of having my liquid fast water and tea only, no juice dont need any extra calories. I did have one yogurt yesterday night because I was about to faint and no one wants to deal with that.
Mom is home today been very difficult to not eat anything with her watching my like a hawk, i feel skinnier. But i dont want to post up a picture till im down to 160 that will be 10 pounds since i started blogging here and since i started to restrict :)!!  and 20 since i started to lose weight again! as you can tell im very excited for this. WAY beyond excited to be honest. If i dont reach my goal of 160 when i weigh myself tomorrow i will freak, dig myself a hole and bury myself in it, no calories and working out i better have lost some fucking weight lets goooooooo.
its time for me to have that skinny bitch mentality.
<3 lots of love my skinny girls.

decisions

So decided not to binge.. got past the feeling.. craving hard for toast and calories and just anything i can get my hands on, the days where im home alone like today are the worst. Having the house and all the food here just for me. Hopefully when I take my shower in the next hour it'll give me more motivation to not eat and not binge, Ive been doing good with not purging but I know if i binge its going to happen, whether or not its good for me. I know the temptation is there, everyones just wanting me to fail to say hah, you'll never be what you want. Had a cup of tea with sweetner today so that was filling. Stay thin. Stay positive. Be happpy... hopefully.

Took this from http://barbiesandbones.blogspot.com/2011/06/good-morning-sunshine-how-did-you-sleep.html

Good morning sunshine! How did you sleep? I'm hungry. No you're not. You've only just woken up. Go have a shower. Wash your hair, wash your soul. How do you feel now? I'm hungry. No you're not! Don't be stupid. You're not hungry; you're bored. Go paint your nails. A bright colour for a bright you. Yellow, or orange. There. You look lovely. How do you feel now? I'm still hungry. Well, maybe a little piece of something now. After all, it's passed lunch. You can have one piece of fruit. One small piece. An apple? Half an apple, maybe. There. Feeling better?Kind of. Of course you feel better. You've just substituted fatty foods for a piece of fruit. Healthy, natural, innocent, fresh and pure. All of that goodness into you. How do you feel? Better. Of course you feel better. You're looking better as well. So lovely and beautiful. Why don't you read a book now? Go outside and read the book. There. Feeling better? A bit better, yes but I'm kind of hungry though. Well that's okay. You're supposed to feel hungry. It's a good thing. It tells you that you're winning. My tummy hurts and I feel faint. I just want to eat something, please? You want to be thinner, don't you? You want that beautiful thigh gap? That perfect flat tummy, that gorgeous boyfriend who picks you up easily, those jealous friends who play with your hair and whispers how thin you've gotten? But that's fine, you go ahead and eat. You don't NEED to be thin to be happy.You're right. I'm disgusting. Here, have some fruit. Not that much! Quarter it. Eat slowly. 32 chews. Have some water. More. I don't care that you're not thirsty, I want you to drink some more. Don't you feel beautiful now?

urgh.

Woke up this morning thinking hmm i really want this and that and more of this. Im starting to think is it all really worth it i want to be skinny so badly but then again why does it matter. everyone comments on how pretty i am and how skinny i look already, they dont understand how skinny i want to be how much they'll stare when im that skinny. urghhh such a bad day an night :(

sorry about profanity

Tempted to just fucking binge right now. Fighting with the boyfriend and craving food is not helping. Im so fucking done, he doesnt even fucking care if im happy. its all about him. the first thing he fucking says when i ask him what makes him happy is money.. are you fucking kidding me right now i do every little fucking thing i can for you and thats the shit you come up with. Im trying so hard to make this work after every fucking thing weve been through yet you make this fight my fault when i try to give you space to figure shit out ERGHH just so done..... might as well sit in my room eat ice cream all day and get fat ffs.

whew, so hey guys. I went up two lbs.. yeah im back up to 165.. not impressed. but it happens, i wanna be at least 155 by christmas so I need to lose 10 lbs in 16 days, MORE then enough time, lets see if i can lose that 10lbs in a week. that would be a dream for me i'd be beyond happy.  If i get down to 160 by sunday i'll post an updated pic of what my bodies looking like now. Definitely still not happy with it. Im debating fasting again. Worked great last time, boyfriend found out which wasnt the greatest thing I told him today that I need to get back on track and lose weight and of course he disagreed. My body and just got to continue hiding it like I did before. Seriously dreaming of a skinny body.. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels! So I think im going to fast for till monday. No food saturday sunday or monday, and I want to keep continuing. Anybody know of anything that can help flush everything out of the body? Tips are greatly appreciated it ! xo :)

cant wait to count the ribs hehe.