here we gooo

I just realized guys im 12 lbs from my gw.. how exciting. :) ive been pretty hence the lack of blogs, its been a hard couple of weeks, everyones been pretty much shoving food down my throat LITERALLY, everywhere i am they like force me to eat, Ive been getting use to purging i know horrrrible! ( well not horrible cause it gets the job done) but its not something i enjoy doing as of late. I love the emptiness of purging. but i rather not eat at all. Ive found the best thing with purging is always drinking alot of fluids so its easier to pull up. Anyways! hows everyone else doing! I got my rook pierced to congratulate and remind myself that i got past my goal of 155 :)! I feel like to get down to 140 it shouldnt be too hard, but people definitely say im to skinny now, but who are they to say im to skinny, they dont live in my hell of being in this constant fat body. What is your guys idea of too thin? or low weight?
Lots of love skinny people xo

updated photo = 152lbs

Even though im hestiant about doing this already im at 152 so i might as well post an updated picture.. Give me you're thoughts and ideas of what I still need to work on. this is an inprogress picture dont forget! i know im not where close where i need to be just yet

frustration, confusion.

So im falling for this new guy, but cant let go of the old one. Problem new guy lives in a different province old guy lives other side of my city.

Today I was at the old guys, and were cuddling of course he comments on feeling my bones like he always does. I dont see why everyone cares its my body do people not understand that? thanks for the concern but to constantly be told im to skinny? like leave me alone. I dont feel like theres a thing as to skinny. how can someone be to skinny? I understand being fat and too fat, but to skinny? impossible. But, anyways he went off about how he loves me no matter what, and all the gibberish. I wonder if the saying is true you cant have someone love you till you love yourself, Will I never be ablt to let someone truly love me then? hmm.

Weird thing being both these guys are bigger then me, like 50-75 pounds bigger then me. Theres something comforting about that to me, A big strong guy taking care and making sure his little tiny thin girlfriend is ok? I cant wait to be that, the thin little girl. Would make me smile for one person to say to the guy im dating "wow your girlfriend is so thin"

By the way I was wondering if anyone else had any tips to for me to make my mom think im eating more then I am she has definitely been watching and taking note of calories consumed and more of what im eating. She keeps pushing for me to eat fast food, or unhealthy stuff at home that I dont need. I would love for extra tips

Sorry for the depressing/non weight loss needed blog lmao. Just need to get it out of my mind.

Im going to leave everyone with some of my fave thinspo. Remember you can achieve it, the only person who is stopping you is you. Start restricting and making sure you're having control over what you eat not the other way around. Lovelove

lalala

All my friends are getting on my case about loosing weight specially the ones who know I have/had disorders in the past. Why does it bother them? I dont get it, its my body, If i wanna look a certain way then what is it any of their buisness fuck..

ANYWAYS went for an hour long run yesterday definitely not my stron point anymore hips and ribs are startiing to show and im very very excited about that! collar bone is showing as well woot.
heres a sort of updated pic just showing my collar bone off,

BTW from start till now im down to an XS in shirts from a medium or large.

and im fitting into a size 7 for pants, there snug but i can do them up without any muffin top.

hows everyone else doing?! 

updateddd

UGH! so little frustrated, Im either at 156 or 154 .. My body just wont stay at an even weight, Im going nuts. I've also been eating like a cow, I go back to university tomorrow so hopefully that will help with me not eating so much.

Good note though : So i was over at the guys house i use to date am still dating... who knows.. Getting to the point.. I was laying down and i guess my shirt had pulled up a little and he leaned in for a kiss grabbed my waist and was like why can I feel your bones, Why are your lululemon pants so baggy again? Look at your arms their so bony.. Whats going on? I told him I had been loosing weight so i could start feeling better about myself. He started getting really mean saying no one would love me like that and I dont know why you would want to look like skin and bones, And I obviously got embarrassed and felt like crying, and he grabbed my face (gently not hard or anything) and just said to me " Jen, you know your beautiful wether you way a bazillion pounds or nothing" That meant lots to me.

He also decided he was goinmg to lift me up to kiss him ... Never have I let him because I felt like i was to big, But it was easy for him to lift me like a child.. No weight at all it seemed to him. Made me feel great I liked that he noticed that my hip bones were showing again. Exciting.

wow sorry definitely been slacking anyways ! I got down to 155 for christmas, during christmas/boxing day i gained 4 lbs?! maybe cause it was my first weekend not fasting in a month and a half, but ive lost and im down to 156 happy at that weight for right now. :)
Hope everyones doing good! And Happy new years xo <3